Call me Mr. Johnson

So I got another email asking my help in transferring a large sum of money. How do these folks find me?

Dear Friend,

Greetings with good faith. I am Barrister Steve Wilson, a solicitor at law. I am the personal attorney to Mr. Mark Johnson of United states of America who work with Shell Petroleum Company here in United Kingdom.
On Sunday, 2nd June, 2008, my client with His Wife and Their three children Were Involved in a vital car accident and lost Their Lives, since then I have made several inquiries to the embassy to locate Any of his extended relatives all to No avail. Therefore, After several unsuccessful Attempts, I have Decided to track His last name over the Internet maybe luckily I might locate Any member of His Family It was there I contacted you.
Meanwhile, before the death of my client in A terrible accident he Deposited sum amount of GBP15, Millions British Pound under Security company Bank in United Kingdom
Nevertheless, I have only written to seek your indulgence to assist in trustful and retrieve the money left behind by my late client before the FUND is a Declared confiscate by the security company Bank of U.K as I has-been Mandated by the BANK as the personal attorney to late Mr. Mark Johnson to Provide the next of kin to the decease or-have the account confiscate Within the next Few weeks.
Since I have-been unsuccessful in locating the relative for over five years now I therefore, seek your consent to present you to the BANK as the next of kin to the deceased late (Mr. Mark Johnson) It Would be easy to convert the valued [GBP15 million] to you as the rightful next of kin Then you and I can share the money in the Following ration: 60% goes to me and 40% goes to you.
I have all Necessary Legal Documents That can be used to back up the claim and I have Worked out the Modalities of this transaction all I require is your sincere co-operation to enable us succeed in this deal. I guarantee That this transaction Would Be execute under a Legitimate arrangement That Will protect you from Any breach of law.
Please if you are interested to work with me with good faith and honesty, I will Provide all the legal papers / Documents That backs you up as the true next of kin and It Will Be and submit to the Finance house for proper Claim of the fund. I hope to hear further response from you regards the successful conclusions of this great transaction.
I therefore, patiently to hear back from you as to enable us proceed further to the next level of this project Which would be under full 10 days.

Thanks
Barrister Steve Wilson (ESQ)

I can forgive Barrister Steve Wilson (ESQ) for the Random capitalization and poor Punctuation in His email. He’s, you know, a Brit and all. Probably not familiar with the proper American way of writing words and stuff like we do here in the good old USofA.

But the key to this generous offer is that to close the deal, I’d probably have to change my name to Johnson to prove I am the next of kin to my dear departed Uncle(?) Mark and his lovely wife and their three kids, Huey, Dewey and Louie, or whatever their names were. I had better work on my story a bit.

Now, £15,000,000 converts  to $24,438,000. And if I get 40 percent out of the deal, that’s still $9,775,200 — not chump change by any stretch. That would more than pay to have all my monogrammed towels and underwear converted to Johnson… if I had monogrammed towels and underwear.

But with that kind of money I could go out and buy it monogrammed with my given name and THEN have it changed. Sweet!

I’m thinking this could work.

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