Email scams

(sigh) They don’t even try anymore

The latest email scam, in its entirety.

(no subject)

Brooks, Jody <>

Sun 6/29/2014 8:27 AM


Brooks, Jody <>;

Mrs. Gloria C. Mackenzie picked you, E-mail: for more info

No subject. No real message. Addressed to someone I never heard of. And with my luck, this would be the one that actually turns into a million dollar reward.


Dear Lucky Friend

Dear lucky friend, This is a personal email directed to you.

[Yes, being addressed “Dear lucky friend” is soooo personal. Makes my heart beat faster to hear from my good friend… uh… George Traykov again.]

My name is George Traykov and I have decided to write you to share my fortune to two (2) lucky winner.

[Two (2) is more than one, George, so it would be the plural “winners,” not “winner.” Just saying. With all that money you have, you should hire an editor.]

I won the lottery twice but I’m still not happy being labelled the world’s most ungrateful winner hence I have voluntarily decided to donate $500,000.00 USD to you as part of my own charity project to improve the life of 2 lucky individuals all over the world.  

[Here’s where some punctuation might be useful, Georgie boy. Do you mean: “I won the lottery twice but I’m still not happy, being labelled the world’s most ungrateful winner.” or “I won the lottery twice, but I’m still not happy being labelled the world’s most ungrateful winner.” See the difference?   Also, you want to “improve the life of 2 lucky individuals all over the world.” What the hell does that even mean? As before, “life” is the singular form, while “lives” would be more in line with those 2 (two) lucky individuals. But more important, how can those 2 lucky individuals live “all over the world?”]

If you have received this email then you are one of the two lucky recipients and you are to send your response to my legal counsel < Peter Littlefield Esq > with the email address [  ] for more info on how you can redeem your prize/donation. You can verify this by visiting the web pages below: Yours Sincerely, George Traykov

[So here’s what it all comes down to, George. I clicked the link you provided, and the story of your hitting the jackpot twice is apparently real. However, judging from the comments on that page (pasted here), it sounds like somebody is using your (I assume) good name in a prank email, or you are a two-timing worm. 

To wit: 

Mare23 days ago
I received an email stating that I am one of two people chosen as beneficiaries. Could this possibly be true? If so, this donation is a Godsend! I will be able to get back on my feet and do the same for others.  Thank You.
guitarreddog*27 days ago
I recently received an e-mail that states I am one of the lucky beneficiaries. Can this really be true? Wow! My e-mail address is  Thanks in advance!
alex47 days ago
I received email also…So three of us already received emails from George.  What we are doing next?  Here my email:  I can not afford to be spammed down, but if it is truth, then sow me there is a money is.  Thanks. 
Mare8 days ago
I was contacted by littlefield directly, he tried to call me without success. Unfortunately I was recently robbed and could not pay for the courier so a wire transfer has to be done, the cost is minimal, about 25.00 US dollars. and since I don’t have more than that in my account Im not worried about getting ripped off. I haven’t told anyone not even my spouse. If this is real then I will be debt free and can do the same for someone else. Good luck to you all.

Angel_eyes4424057 days ago
I received an email from a person saying they were George Traykov and he wanted to give me money. It said to contact his attorney I have no money for these people to scam but I have a copy do the email at very sad to take care of misfortunate people.
 And here I thought I was your dear lucky friend. How disappointing.]

UPDATE: See the comment below from someone who took the initiative to write back to George and got a response!

Come on guys, pay attention to details!

People just don’t seem to take any pride in their work any more, not even my beloved email scammers. There is no attention to detail.
Case in point is this note I received today, June 2, 2014. Note the response deadline.


The banking activity with today’s posting date shows Electronic Fund Transfer (EFT) that has been received.  Our bank has noted the following information:

EFT Amount:                           $ 6,200.00
Remitted From: SSA TREAS 310 MISC PAY
Designated for:                        UNKNOWN

Please download and open attachment with full imformation about this Electronic Fund Transfer payment.

If you confirm that it belongs to your agency or department, please email back or give us a call.  Then, our office needs to receive a completed General Deposit no later than 10:00 a.m. tomorrow.

Note:  If these funds cannot be identified or if no one claims this EFT, we are required to process the return of this EFT by 10:00 a.m., May 7, 2014.

Thank you,

Bryant Campbell
Senior Accountant
Bank of America
(509) 574-2032
(509) 574-6112 fax


So, even if this was legitimate (you mean it’s not?), I would have lost out on $6,200 because of their sloppy bookkeeping. Darn the luck!

Sadly, it looks like I’m too late

More email fun. I’ll try anything to get a reaction.


(the original message)

Hello My Beloved One.

I greet you with the name of our Lord Jesus Christ, It is true that this letter may come to you as a surprise. Nevertheless, I humbly ask you to give me your attention and hear me well.

My name is Mrs Elizabeth Johnson from Germany. I was brought up from a motherless babies home in my country and was married to my late husband Dr. Abelerd Johnson who worked with our Embassy here in South Africa for a period of 8years before he died. We were married for 22 years without a child before he died in a fatal car accident. Since his death I decided not to remarry due to my religious belief .I am 59 years old, and am suffering from a long time cancer of the breast which also affected my brain from all indication my conditions is really deteriorating and it is quite obvious that, according to my doctors they have advised me that i may not live for the next two months this is because the cancer stage has gotten to a very bad stage

When my late husband was alive he deposited the sum of US$5.6m(Five Million Six Hundred United State American dollars ) with a Bank here in South Africa. Presently this money is still in the custody of the Bank in South Africa. Recently, my Doctor told me that I would not last for the next two months due to cancer illness.

Having known my condition I decided to donate this money to Churches, organizations or good person that will utilize this money the way I am going to instruct herein.

I want you to use this money for Churches, Charity organizations, orphanages, widows and other people that are in need. l took this decision because I don’t have any child that will inherit this money . Moreover, my husband relatives are not close to me since I develop a Cancer problem and it had been their wish to see me dead in order to inherit his wealth since we have no Child. These people are not worthy of this inheritance. This is why I am taking this decision.

I don’t need any telephone communication in this regard because of my ill-health. As soon as I receive your reply I will give you the contact of the Bank in South Africa where this money is deposited. I will also issue a letter of authorization to the bank that will prove you the present beneficiary of this money. I also want you to always put me in prayer.

Please reply to me at my email address at

Any delay in your reply may give me room to look for another good person for this same purpose. Please assure me that you will act accordingly as I stated herein.

Hoping to receive your response soonest at my private email address at

Thanks and Remain blessed yours sister in the Lord,

Mrs Elizabeth Johnson


(my reply)

Hi Elizabeth,

I hope this message has reached you in time and you have not succumbed to the “Big C” as we sometimes call it over here. I know it’s nothing to make light of, but “black humor” sometimes helps us all cope with uncomfortable situations.

I’m pleased that you recognized me as a good person, although just how you came across my name mystifies me. Perhaps my reputation precedes me, as they say.

I’d be happy to help you out, but the only problem is your requirement that the money go to churches, charity organizations, orphanages, widows and other people in need. I’m all for charity and helping widows and orphans and the like — I know a few of both varieties myself. Like me, they are good people and could use all the help they can get.
But as an atheist, I can’t help you out on the church part because, first, churches don’t need your money to further line their greedy coffers. Have you ever heard the phrase “They have more money than God”?
Since there is no God, that’s a true statement, no matter how you want to look at it.Second, I wouldn’t want to enable an organization that cares more about protecting the reputations of their sex abuser priests than the lives of the innocent children they rape and sodomize. What kind of God would let that happen? I bet you can’t come up with an answer.

Anyway, if you still want me to handle your money, that’s great. Happy to do it. I’ll split it up among the orphanages, and charity houses, maybe even start a foundation in your name — The Elizabeth Johnson Foundation, how does that sound? But not a penny to the church. I’d rather spend it on hookers and blow.

So, that’s the deal. Are we good?

Your beloved friend


(almost instant reply)

Delivery to the following recipient failed permanently:

Technical details of permanent failure:
Google tried to deliver your message, but it was rejected by the server for the recipient domain by [].

The error that the other server returned was:
550 Requested action not taken: mailbox unavailable

Damn! I must be too late. Poor Elizabeth kicked the bucket.

Their move (UPDATED!)

More scam email fun!

—–Original Message—–
From: David [mailto:]
Sent: Sunday, March 30, 2014 12:01 PM
Subject: Did you authorise Helena Chang to contact us?

Dear Beneficiary,

This is my second mail to you since I did not hear from you the first time.

Mrs. Helena Chang, 58 from China is claiming that you authorised her to receive a fund that has been deposited on your name since 2010 with our bank here.

Please for record purposes; do confirm that you asked her to do so on your behalf.

We will not be held responsible for any wrong payment as a result of you not responding to our mails. Please reply through my private email id:


David Gill


Dear David,

Sorry I missed your earlier email. Our emailman has been on vacation and now I’m digging through hundreds of important emails just like yours that he delivered in one bunch! What a mess!

Hey, did you know you can enlarge your pen1s naturally without drugs? That’s what one of the emails tells me. Who knew? Science is an amazing thing.

Anyway, down to the business at hand. Yes, I authorized Helena Chang to contact you. She has my permission to receive funds deposited in my name.

You may or may not know it, but she does this for lots of people.

In fact we call her Helena Cha-ching because of all the money she collects in our names.

So please go ahead and give it to her. Maybe you can throw in a coffee mug or calendar too as a reward for her persistent efforts. It’s good for business.

You can put it on my tab.


Ben E. Ficiary



Holy crap! I got a response. It reads, in full: 

if anyone had advised you earlier than now to stop drugs, u will hate that person but look at your life now.



Call me Mr. Johnson

So I got another email asking my help in transferring a large sum of money. How do these folks find me?

Dear Friend,

Greetings with good faith. I am Barrister Steve Wilson, a solicitor at law. I am the personal attorney to Mr. Mark Johnson of United states of America who work with Shell Petroleum Company here in United Kingdom.
On Sunday, 2nd June, 2008, my client with His Wife and Their three children Were Involved in a vital car accident and lost Their Lives, since then I have made several inquiries to the embassy to locate Any of his extended relatives all to No avail. Therefore, After several unsuccessful Attempts, I have Decided to track His last name over the Internet maybe luckily I might locate Any member of His Family It was there I contacted you.
Meanwhile, before the death of my client in A terrible accident he Deposited sum amount of GBP15, Millions British Pound under Security company Bank in United Kingdom
Nevertheless, I have only written to seek your indulgence to assist in trustful and retrieve the money left behind by my late client before the FUND is a Declared confiscate by the security company Bank of U.K as I has-been Mandated by the BANK as the personal attorney to late Mr. Mark Johnson to Provide the next of kin to the decease or-have the account confiscate Within the next Few weeks.
Since I have-been unsuccessful in locating the relative for over five years now I therefore, seek your consent to present you to the BANK as the next of kin to the deceased late (Mr. Mark Johnson) It Would be easy to convert the valued [GBP15 million] to you as the rightful next of kin Then you and I can share the money in the Following ration: 60% goes to me and 40% goes to you.
I have all Necessary Legal Documents That can be used to back up the claim and I have Worked out the Modalities of this transaction all I require is your sincere co-operation to enable us succeed in this deal. I guarantee That this transaction Would Be execute under a Legitimate arrangement That Will protect you from Any breach of law.
Please if you are interested to work with me with good faith and honesty, I will Provide all the legal papers / Documents That backs you up as the true next of kin and It Will Be and submit to the Finance house for proper Claim of the fund. I hope to hear further response from you regards the successful conclusions of this great transaction.
I therefore, patiently to hear back from you as to enable us proceed further to the next level of this project Which would be under full 10 days.

Barrister Steve Wilson (ESQ)

I can forgive Barrister Steve Wilson (ESQ) for the Random capitalization and poor Punctuation in His email. He’s, you know, a Brit and all. Probably not familiar with the proper American way of writing words and stuff like we do here in the good old USofA.

But the key to this generous offer is that to close the deal, I’d probably have to change my name to Johnson to prove I am the next of kin to my dear departed Uncle(?) Mark and his lovely wife and their three kids, Huey, Dewey and Louie, or whatever their names were. I had better work on my story a bit.

Now, £15,000,000 converts  to $24,438,000. And if I get 40 percent out of the deal, that’s still $9,775,200 — not chump change by any stretch. That would more than pay to have all my monogrammed towels and underwear converted to Johnson… if I had monogrammed towels and underwear.

But with that kind of money I could go out and buy it monogrammed with my given name and THEN have it changed. Sweet!

I’m thinking this could work.

Dear Sir/Madam

I often get requests from Nigerian royal family members who need my help in transferring large sums of money–hidden away by their (sadly) recently deceased fathers–to the US where it will be safe from rebel forces who would probably spend it on guns and bombs and whatnot.

That’s why I was surprised to see this one in my mail this morning, from someone who I don’t remember helping, but apparently tried to–and failed.

Dear Sir/Madam,

I am constrained to contact you again. I have instructed Pastor Mary DANIEL, to send $1,300,000.00 to you for your compensation based on your assistant in the past which later failed. Write him message through his Email: ( for him to send the money to you, although my new partner is not happy that we have to allocate such amount to you bearing in mind your attitude toward the transaction by the time your help is urgently needed.


Yours sincerely Sister.

Miss Hanna Gaddafi.

Now, Hanna Gaddafi is the name of the adopted daughter of deposed (and deceased) Libyan dictator Moammar Gaddafi. She was thought to have died herself in a 1986 bombing raid, yet recent reports would seem to indicate otherwise.

If, as the reports say, she is a practicing physician somewhere, that would explain why she addressed my note to Dear Sir/Madam. The woman is just too darn busy to keep everything straight.

I think it is extremely generous of her to want to send me $1.3 million even though whatever I tried to do was ultimately unsuccessful. But her “new partner is not happy that we have to allocate such amount to you bearing in mind your attitude toward the transaction by the time your help is urgently needed” (whatever that means).

Sounds to me like someone has some pretty tight controls on the ol’ purse strings. I should probably write to Miss Gaddafi (who is, after all, my Sister) and warn her about such people. They can be nothing but trouble.


The one that started it all…

(original message)From Ms Fatou Johnson,

I know my message will come to you as a surprise because we don’t know each other yet but nevertheless, i am writing with the greatest delight and personal respect, believing you will receive this message in good condition on health. Please do not wonder how or why i came to you because i don’t have any choice regarding the situation here in my country. my father (Engr. Johnson Kone) has just been assassinated and our House was burned with housemaid inside the house, as a result of the political crisis here in my country because he was opposition party to (Mr. Alassane Ouattara) a presidential candidate who declared himself a Winner against (S.E.M. Laurent Gbagbo) the Ruling President, following the election of 28th November 2010. Thank God i was not at home when the Rebels which they called protesters attacked our House.

Now, my life is in danger so i had to run out to a hiding place where i wrote you this email. Please, i need your urgent and confidential assistance to relocate over to your country with what is left of my late father that worth of $9.800,000,00 Million Dollars, deposited in the bank, and the deposit details are save with a Security Company here in my county Cote d’Ivoire, West Africa. i am willing to offer you 10% from the total fund if only you are willing to give me your full support with serious concern and sincerity. Now, i am waiting to give you more detail about me and how the fund will be transfer to you, thanks and God bless you!

Ms Fatou Johnson

(my reply)

Dear Fatou,

May I call you Fatou?
I do hope this note finds you healthy and—at least for the time being—out of harm’s way.
It was so sad to read of your father’s passing.
“Passing” seems like such a trivial word, doesn’t it? I mean, the reality is that he was brutally gunned down by rebels posing as protesters, right?
My father always used to say, “Never trust a protestor. He may turn out to be a rebel in disguise.”
Wise words. I only wish your own father was able to hear them before his tragic demise.
Anyway, I digress.
Your life is in danger, and I would assume that time is of the essence. Are you hiding in Cote d’Ivoire? Oh wait—don’t answer that! You can never know who might read these things.
Boy, how embarrassing would it be for you to get captured over something silly like that, huh? My face would be nine shades of red, I’ll tell you.
It’s best that you don’t tell me where you are hiding, as I’m just the worst at keeping secrets. I remember once, when I was a kid, we were throwing a surprise birthday party for my Uncle Ed. Well, he wasn’t really my uncle, he was a long-time family friend who all us kids called uncle.
But we were having a big surprise party for Uncle Ed, and my job was to be on the lookout for him when he arrived. Big mistake. When he got to the house he said, “Hey Slugger”—that’s not really my name, of course, it’s what we in America call a nickname. So he says, “Hey Slugger, where is everybody?” And, without thinking, I say, “They’re all inside waiting to surprise you for your birthday.”
Well, everyone had a good laugh about it, but my mom and dad were NOT happy, let me tell you. Dad said I couldn’t watch TV that night and had to go to bed early.
But, as they say, lesson learned, right?
So, don’t tell me where you are hiding, because I’ll just go and blab it anyway.
Now, you said in your letter, you are in the process of relocating to my country, and that sounds like a great idea. Have you given any thought about where you will be living? I have a friend named Tom who is in real estate. He can probably help you find a condo or something pretty quickly. He’s got a lot of places on the market because, as you probably read about in the newspapers or saw on television, our housing market is kind of soft right now, so there are a lot of good deals available.
Word of advice—Tom can be a little pushy when he wants to close a deal. Forewarned is forearmed. I’m just saying is all.
In the meantime, you can probably stay at a Motel 6 until you get on your feet. They have pretty good rates by the day, week, or month. And they have a delicious scrambled eggs and hash brown breakfast, which is free (really!) for guests.
Ha! Look at me going on and on with this silly stuff, when you’re the one whose life is in danger.
So I was reading about that Laurent Gbagbo guy on the Wikipedia—have you ever used that thing? Boy it has EVERYTHING you can imagine. But it occurred to me, when I was reading about him, maybe you should ask him for help? I’m serious! I mean, he is partly responsible for the mess you’re in now, right? Maybe it’s worth a shot (sorry about that choice of word, but you know what I mean).
Anyhoo, I’ve got to head out and get some groceries, so I’ll sign off. Please keep in touch and let me know when you make it over to the USA. Maybe we can do lunch or something.


And now we wait for a reply…